(NEW) Back from a hectic month in the Kaye household (June 20, 2012): I had food poisoning, which if you’ve ever had it, is really terrible. As I was just getting back to myself physically, we were entrusted with our smallest grandchild while her parents went to Spain for a birthday celebration. This experience was pure joy, albeit tiring and stressful, simply because she’s not your own child and you worry in a different way. My sister, Wynne, came from California to see our mother and was a wonderful help to me and instantly fell in love with Lily and she with her. And of course there was Poppy, whose help and support was just superb. His official job, along with all the things he did, was sleep master and a master he is!
A dear friend died and lots of thoughts and feelings were rattling around and… my friend Peggy’s dad died very peacefully. My incredible daughter, Lisa, the best kindergarten teacher ever, was once again assembling her students’ memory books and she and I traditionally accomplish this task together. Whew! Add to this mix, graduation letters, and birthday letters for my loved ones, lost glasses and I am exhausted.
Tomorrow my wonderful grandson, who I babysat as an infant and love dearly, graduates from 4th grade, such a thrill, and at the end of the month, we will have a teenage granddaughter, who is the sweetest, kindest young woman and always there for her family and friends. Poppy and I love you very much!
“Grandmothering” (5/1/12): Being a grandmother is an indescribable experience. No matter how many grandchildren or their ages, my heart overflows with joy and so much love. I babysat when they were infants and watch them occasionally now.
The interactions with these beings are so powerful because you can really concentrate on the child and not the distractions of being the parent in a busy life, so hard to discern while multitasking as the caregiver. I am able to listen and hear their tiniest nuances.
My job is to simply "be" with my most precious beings and we play and have wonderful conversations about their world and their stuff. I learn so much and am in awe of their perceptions and feelings about life. We should all stop and not only see and smell the roses, but listen and respect the feelings of the littlest members of our world, knowing they impart their truth and the meaning of integrity.
To forgive another is to give yourself a present, for you will replace your anger, hurt and sadness by using that energy to make your life more productive and constructive. You will radiate light from within and live your life with purpose in the present, in lieu of always residing in the past accompanied by your story.
Years ago, I had a friend who couldn’t forgive her friend’s supposed “egregious” act perpetrated against her. She just couldn’t accept that all of her days were spent ruminating about what she perceived worthy of ending a very long and close relationship. She simply could not get the concept that her anger and hurt were damaging her daily interactions with family and friends. She couldn’t allow joy to enter her sphere because she was so filled with rage and negative energy. Unfortunately, she died before she saw the truth! Life is so short – open your heart and listen to and hear ALL the voices!
“The Holidays” (4/5/12): As we hear and read about Passover and Easter and make plans for cooking and/or spending time with family and friends, it should be noted that for some, these holiday times are very difficult and oftentimes lead to unease and depressive thoughts.
Holidays are portrayed as happy events usually with laughter, lots of food and family interactions. For many this is accurate; however for some, holidays mean stress and remembrance of lost times, lost lives and having to deal with unfinished emotional issues from childhood that surface especially when families are together.
To make this time more joyous for yourself and others, try to be aware that your unconscious is on high alert and be cognizant of your own feelings and the feelings of those around you. These family gatherings are not the time to solve your deeper issues but to relax and enjoy – watch and play with the children and you can’t help but smile.
Happy Passover and Easter to all and a special shout out to Bill on his Birthday tomorrow!
More on Cheating (3/25/12): Someone asked for more thoughts on cheating – so here goes! The first thing to do is read M. Gary Neuman’s books on cheating, they are invaluable! It appears to me that a major cause for people cheating is because of the underlying reasons they got together in the first place and a definite lack of communication. Our early backgrounds pave the way for the kind of people we connect with and some reasons we stay in marriages and/or stray. One of the most important things to understand if you cheat or are cheated on is not to personalize these actions against you or even by you. If, as the aggrieved partner, you feel less than, or unworthy, you need to really examine, ideally with a professional, the “whys” of where these feelings are coming from. When you choose to stay in the relationship, the issue is to examine and delve into who you are in this equation and perhaps search for your responsibility as one part of a troubled liaison. I am not blaming the victim, merely suggesting you not blame yourself or some lack you might perceive thereof. Much more to follow... please comment!Listening… and Teaching Children (3/13/12): Listening to children is as important as teaching them the things they need in order to negotiate their world and become successful. It tells them they matter, are valued and they are loved and cherished. Often what they don’t say is the bigger challenge as they are most certainly speaking to us; we simply have to figure out what their subtle messages might be. It’s safe to assume that each child always wants to know that they are treasured, especially when siblings are present and getting attention! A quick, “I love you,” “I hear you” and a warm hug is always welcome and reassuring.
We teach children the rules of politeness: Please, Thank You, You’re Welcome, Excuse Me, etc. Often, we don’t go far enough in explaining that just because you say the words, for example, “Excuse me,” it doesn’t mean you have the right to just go on speaking without waiting for the other person or persons to finish their interaction(s). As I’ve stated previously, a soft touch and/or “in a minute,” should suffice to get the point across. Children need to be taught that simply saying the polite word is insufficient; they also have to delay their desire and wait their turn. Often, this message has not been relayed and explained in a way they can comprehend. Perhaps, role playing with many different examples would aide them in getting this concept.
Home Care Aides Need Equal Protection (3/07/12): As reported in Newsday, Wednesday, March 7, 2012, home health care workers have long been classified as just “companions” to the people they serve. In reality, these people serve a population where without the assistance of these workers, their lives would be untenable and they would not be able to survive at home. When I worked with the homebound elderly, I witnessed first-hand, the dedication, professionalism and yes, even love, exhibited by so many. Of course, there were exceptions; however, I always believed that if some workers were compensated and acknowledged for the pivotal role they played, perhaps their feelings of self-worth would become apparent and they would be more committed to the well-being of their patients.
Hillary, my niece, lives and works in California and assists physically and mentally challenged people in a group home. She is a loving, intelligent and beautiful human being, both inside and out and should be earning far more than her current wages. Hillary genuinely cares about her patients and they, along with their parents and/or caregivers, feel the same about her. To be a provider of such importance should be commensurate with a much higher salary and benefits as, it should be noted, not everyone is mentally and emotionally attuned for such important work now and in all our futures. The “powers that be” should be cognizant that they too, might one day need aide and assistance in normal, everyday occurrences. Human being must be on the minds of everyone!
Back from the Disney Cruise Filled with Magic (March 1, 2012): This was my first cruise and a first experience of being with my family for a week. As I knew before I departed on this journey, my children, their partners and their beautiful children are all incredible people. My heart overflowed when I witnessed the way they interacted with each other and others aboard the ship.
The aim of the people hired by Disney is to make your days filled with wonder and joy. They are accommodating, warm and desirous of simply making you feel good. I want to acknowledge three such people who made our voyage a splendid happening because of their awareness of our needs and wants. Evandro, our head server in the dining room entertained the little ones, while providing wonderful service to all; Marcus, the assistant server, spoke from his heart, like Evandro and was happy to make each and every one of our group feel special. We encountered Ciao, our server in the “adults” restaurant, Palo, and he became our friend. Each family had the opportunity to dine without children and he made our adventure that much more special.
(2/6/12): Taking a short break - have been working on a large project and then off to Florida to embark on a Disney Cruise with my family. Speak to you soon!The Destruction of Souls (1/09/12): “If you see something, say something,” has become a catchphrase for terrorism alerts at airports, trains, etc. The most heinous thing imaginable is when I read or hear, as I have so often lately, of children being beaten, burned, tortured, killed, all because they didn’t listen, behave, or worse. Who is saying or doing anything to stop the terrible abuse perpetrated against children? It seems there are more ads on TV wanting our help with abandoned and/or abused animals – animals are wonderful, I would just like to see equal press for children!
Many years ago, when working as a psychiatric social worker counseling young mothers, and later running parenting groups for low-income men and women within a school district, I was dismayed at the lack of childhood education and common sense associated with their parenting skills. A lot of what I took for granted was absent simply because of lack of connection to family and the need to concentrate on survival issues of food, clothing and shelter. So many parents did not know the apparent milestones and different stages in a child’s development.
Working with these wonderful people became the highlight of my career; I knew I made a difference in their lives and the lives of their children. We spoke of their fears, of their angers, disappointments, frustrations and they learned how to deal appropriately with crying and screaming children. They learned to look inward and to not take personally that when a child cries or misbehaves, they have failed. We all learned that we have the same feelings inside, the same concerns, the same love for our offspring. They learned not to expect unrealistic expectations from their children – babies can’t stop crying or obey parental demands at will, because their little brains are not ready or able. They learned to listen to their children’s hearts and to hear their wordless pleas for love, compassion and understanding.
So many of the above abuses reported in the media sound like the frustrations of people who do not understand the inner workings of babies and toddlers, who are overworked, completely stressed and mistakenly believe these little children are misbehaving on purpose and are out to ruin their lives. We must say aloud what we see and protect these innocent, magical beings or they will grow up ill-equipped to nurture their own. We must be more tolerant and dare to be more involved… all our children deserve to be heard and cherished.
Children, Innocence and Truth (1/04/12): You can always trust the words and actions of young children, so appealing, because they haven't yet learned how to lie and deceive. When does this change - when does the beauty of their truth start to blur and fade according to the whims and wills of others… because of what others might think or because of some perceived loss to them?Kennedy Center Honors (12/28/11): I have always loved the yearly Kennedy Center Honors program acknowledging the outstanding contributors to the world of performance arts. Last night, as always, I was struck by the honesty and integrity of the honorees and by the people who so beautifully gave tribute. Their greatness is their passion for what they love doing and their ability to define and interpret their individual beauty, pain, devastation and utter joy. Their truth enables them to give freely and to share the gifts which G-d blessed and provided. It is so inspiring to hear their stories spoken aloud by those who truly care and love – this is what all our lives should and could look like. It’s quite simply to be who we are, as we all have the possibility for truth within!
Back from Los Angeles (12/20/11): Cedars Sinai is a city unto itself and the doctors and nurses we encountered were the finest, most approachable, caring people. For me, this experience was harrowing and deeply emotional. It wasn’t until my sister’s heart valve repair surgery was over, that I realized I was holding in a lot of fear and anxiety. When I saw her in the CSICU, she was unconscious and on a breathing tube, all things we were told to expect.
However, the reality of seeing Wynne so vulnerable was unforeseen by me. I needed to touch her, to feel and believe she was indeed alive. When I returned to my hotel, much later, I simply broke down and sobbed at the enormity of what I and our family had witnessed. The body and mind are amazing and the healing process is nothing short of miraculous.
The day after surgery, she was sitting in a chair and greeted us with a smile; I know she has a long recuperative road ahead of her, but she is doing very well and her “messy valve” (a direct quote from her renown heart surgeon) is fixed and able to sustain her life filled with so much love from Herb and her children, Hillary and Mike; Steven and Melanie; and of course the East Coast contingent.
Going to Los Angeles (12/13/11): I’ll be in LA for almost a week as my sister, Wynne, is having heart valve surgery. Your prayers and warm wishes are much appreciated and even though this might be considered a routine operation, for her and our family, it’s a big deal! And, it’s a small world after all… as the doctor happens to be very friendly with my cousins, Debbie and Mark. We’re told he is not only a brilliant surgeon, but an amazing man. We are all comforted by this knowledge and our spirits are calmed. I' m sorry to be missing Peggy’s birthday celebration with Robert and Jon; however, my love and support are always with her no matter where I am. I also send birthday wishes and love to Mecha and Toty and a belated happy birthday with much love to Shari.So, yesterday, while driving on my way to pick up my newest grandchild, I thought of the money and what I would do with it. It occurred to me that Victor, one of the doormen at the building where my children live, who is always so helpful and accommodating, would be the perfect person to receive this gift. As I approached him, we exchanged our usual pleasantries and I handed him the $10, explaining the above story. He was so touched, kissed me and I went on my way to collect my sweet prize of the day.
A short time later, Lily and I came down and Victor, after interacting lovingly with the baby, told me that he had given the $10 to the doorman in the next building. He explained that this man’s twins were celebrating their birthday and he would use the much appreciated money to buy presents for his children.
Wow, that was such a tiny thing to do to feel so loving and powerful. I know my friend and his daughter, who are always touching peoples’ souls, are quietly smiling at the goodness of people. There is a wonderful lesson to be learned here and what a joyous time to begin and continue our journeys!
STOP... Being A Pushover (12/07/11): It is vital that you teach your children how to negotiate their world so they will grow and mature into productive adults, who are able to deal with the nuances of our society and the people in it. So often, when I am speaking with an adult, a child will interrupt and the attention is immediately diverted to the child, away from our conversation. In my opinion, this singular act relays to your child that he or she is the most important person in the universe and that nothing else matters. The long-term effects of such behaviors are that you might be creating a self-centered, arrogant, selfish adult, who has little ability to delay his own gratification and is unable to successfully adapt to his world. As always, I am referring to extreme cases and not the occasional lapse.
When my children were small and interrupted me, which is normal, I would reach out my hand to touch them and simply say, “I am talking to (whomever) right now and I will listen and hear you in a moment." In this way, you are acknowledging their presence and importance; however, you are teaching them there are other people in the world and they sometimes have to wait for your and others’ attention. They will grasp, by your touch that you love them and they matter and will learn how to navigate their world step-by-step. It is our job as parents to teach our children to be caring, compassionate and loving human beings, to be sensitive to other people.
Lovely Day (11/29/11): I was at my Mom’s nursing home the other day, during lunch and had an unexpected conversation with a warm and dedicated woman – one of the nurses. She and I had exchanged pleasantries before, but never had an extended interaction. As I helped my mom, she assisted two of the residents with their meals and… we began to talk about our families. She shared her passions about midwifery, cooking, nursing and her joys about her family with me, and I with her. She is a “people” person and it is evidenced in her connection with her patients and her concerns with their emotional well being. It was the highlight of my day simply because I related to another soul. She and I got it!When leaving the space, my companions and I noticed a queue forming and saw two men handing out food, from a small panel truck, to the people in line. Most of the recipients walked into the above lobby to enjoy their meal and often companionship. It was wonderful to see - we approached the men to give a donation and were told to send it directly to the organization.
We learned through one of the men that volunteers from The Coalition for the Homeless, deliver food daily to this spot and places all over the city. We did and maybe you would like to also - Coalition for the Homeless, 129 Fulton Street, New York, NY 10038 (telephone # 212.964.5900, press 3 for donations) or coalitionforthehomeless.org.
A Message to my friend, Maria – her beloved "Mami" died (11/18/11): Although you knew Mami (“Ava” to your children), was getting weaker and sicker, the reality of her death is probably surreal. Your mom is now at peace with your dad, in a place where she is safe, free of pain and loved by all who predeceased her. She and your dad created two wonderful children, filled with love, caring and compassion for their family and friends. Your children have become adults in your vein, filled with your love, integrity and a generosity of spirit that fills the entire family. I am blessed to feel a part of your lives.Please know I am there for you in any capacity you wish - call upon me to cry, to scream, or simply to share a warm thought or memory of your life with Mami. You are alone now in your experience, for no one can convey how losing your mom feels, but you are never alone in your world of family and friends as you are surrounded by people who will embrace you – you are truly loved and adored.
Allow yourselves to laugh or cry with the wonderful, joyous and sometimes painful memories. Grieving is a curious process and affects everyone so uniquely. There are no precise or right techniques; you simply have to do it your way. Of this I am certain, you, your brother and your respective families, did everything possible to make mom’s life easier and you supported her emotionally to the end with your enormous compassion and deep love. There was nothing left unsaid between your souls because you loved her deeply and she knew it, just as you know and will always feel her love within.
Teachers (11/13/11): My second grade teacher, Mrs. Butler, taught me grammar and spelling and I got it! I recall sentence diagramming and rules and always felt her passion. For me, the spelling rules are somewhat muddy; however, I understood the correct application, because I believed she wanted me (and the other kids) to learn the basics in order to succeed.People often complain of teacher’s salaries and neglect to see the whole picture. Teachers
(good ones) are vital to your children, for their emotional as well as
social growth and the continuity of our society on a level that supports
our educational position. In our world of instant
everything, children must be taught the essentials of learning to
further their educational, societal opportunities and responsibilities
and this must be accomplished in a warm, nurturing environment.
Teachers of young children are with them during their formative years, often for longer periods of time than parents. This is a huge responsibility and one not taken lightly by the incredible teachers to follow. They care, spend long hours in preparation and take their work home with them; they simply want their pupils to succeed and internalize a love of learning from those who love teaching them. You remember special teachers for the rest of your life! Even Oprah acknowledged her teacher’s importance on her show!
Kudos to my list of intelligent and outstanding teachers: Lisa Genicoff, my daughter, a beautiful, compassionate, extremely knowledgeable Kindergarten teacher; Rob Genicoff, my son-in-law, a caring, devoted (and handsome) Special Education teacher; Jon Grosman, a charismatic and dedicated Science teacher; Arin Sandorfi, a wonderfully-talented Special Education teacher; to all the amazing teachers and principal at the Lynbrook Kindergarten Center; and to all the great teachers who make such a difference every day in so many ways. Thank you!
Commenting on M. Gary Neuman’s Facebook Page (11/09/11): M. Gary is a licensed psychotherapist, rabbi, author and as quoted by Oprah, “The best psychotherapist in the world.” Today, he discussed the atrocity of molestation of children and how we as a society must do something and asked for comments. I responded: People (those who have and those who haven't been) have to talk aloud about the horror and devastation. I believe we have been numbed by the vast numbers and the routine nature of the crimes - we “almost" normalize the concept of having sex with children. After many years and much in-depth searching within about my own experiences, I was finally able to really get that child sexual abuse and/or molestation is not normal, is egregious and changes your soul. People with memories are often embarrassed, afraid or simply think it happened so long ago - why bother about it now, let's not discuss it, let's not make waves, just let me forget! This approach never works and perhaps when these same people hear of so many others, they feel like it isn't such a big deal. It is something that must be stopped, the perpetrators need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent and society has to do a much better job of protecting our most precious beings. We can't look away and accept that Joe Paterno didn't immediately put an end to the horrors that so many (one is too many) boys suffered at the hands of one of his underlings. Just the mere mention of a possible assault must be addressed and handled by the proper authorities; he didn't need graphics, he had all he needed to follow through to the desired result of immediate removal and criminal penalties. We must ALL worry about winning this war because it's definitely changing who we are and who our families are now and in the future.About Irene - a former patient (11/07/11): Irene has died and my eyes are brimming with tears. Irene was a part of me peripherally, but a part nonetheless. We shared moments of time and I internalized the wisdom she imparted. I heard her pain and viewed her search for the definition and meaning of her journey. Irene lost her joy in living and wanted to die. She had had enough of her physical frailties and the resultant embarrassment she endured. She lost her verve and longed for her life that was - vital and active; she cared deeply for her children and grandchildren and she loved to fish. Aside from family and friends, she was happiest when she was by the water with a fishing pole in her hand and the sun and wind on her face.
Irene is at peace now, with those who predeceased her in a safe, warm environment. I will miss her simple love and acceptance of those around her. I am left with the belief that I helped Irene in her last years with our easy banter and unconditional support, and yes, even love. I loved Irene for her caring and the way she raised her children. She loved them and they knew it, even when they were out of sync. I loved her for her acceptance of her life and for believing that she had put herself out there to the best of her abilities. Irene was a good and compassionate woman, with a sense of herself, and the ability to share her warmth and love. She was black and I am white, and together we were a wonderful shade of gray!
On Children (11/01/11): Are there really any greater life forms in the world than our children? Being a grandmother has given me the freedom to really listen to and watch these incredible beings. When I was deep into the daily ministrations with my three children, I missed the nuances of their profound spirits, being too involved in the physical minutiae and not paying enough attention to their emotional wants and needs. Their white shoes were polished daily - often more, the house was clean and orderly, including toys, while I missed a question, a plea, a need to hold and hug or just a simple smile from me. All children need to be treated as special and precious, to see the light in their parent’s/caregiver’s eyes.
So often problems occur when a child perceives the glow has dimmed, you’re busy with work, family; electronics; so exhausted, etc. (fill in your own blanks). I am in awe and overwhelmed at what parents of today have to accomplish daily - so what I put forth is not a judgment, just an opportunity to speak from your child’s point of view. They simply don’t care or think about what is happening in your very hectic life. A young child’s world is centered on their wants and desires, all normal, which is why you need to put in the time and effort and teach them how to navigate their world by setting limits, consistently following through (my recurrent theme), which always highlights just how much you love them.
With the arrival of a sibling, whom they are “expected” to love and accept, the first born, especially, is dumbfounded. They have no frame of reference, unlike subsequent siblings, who are forewarned by another’s sudden presence. Why would any child want to share absolute love and devotion with an alien, who suddenly appears and matters to so many? Why indeed? I can’t think of any good reason for this most usual and everyday occurrence - I just want to stress that it is a huge event in your child’s life and has to be addressed emotionally.
It doesn’t count that she was “prepared” for this new arrival, it is always difficult and the first real (natural, not some horrible act) consequence that warrants deep understanding and patience - yes, we have all grown and survived, but some with a bigger price! You have a powerful effect by a glance, a hug, keeping to routines, and being hyper-aware and sensitive to the deeply-felt needs of your most wonderful creations. I am blessed and have a second chance to get this right; my three beautiful children created (with their loved ones) six most incredible kids!
On Universal Truth (10/30/11): All of mankind is asking the same questions: “Am I good enough?” and “Am I loveable?” No matter your language, social class, color of skin, rich or poor, famous or not, all of us are wondering and worrying if we meet the standards for love and acceptance by family and friends - even strangers. We all want to be heard, to matter and above all, to be loved unconditionally from our earliest moments by our parents or caregivers.
I spent many years hiding within myself because I simply didn’t believe I was deserving of love. Oh, people in my sphere told me I was worthy in so many different ways; however, inner demons from way back, prevented me from believing it was so. To the outside world, I am considered an emotionally-attuned and loving daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother and friend; and, I am a successful therapist with an innate ability to create safety for people to be authentic and tell their “story.”
My life was filled with self-loathing, self-doubt, self-pity and I was paralyzed with fear, most probably of daring to succeed. Over the years, I have written letters of love to family and friends – words that just seem to emerge from my soul. My friend, Leslye, has consistently told me to write a book (my life events would certainly support such a venture). My sense of self kept these thoughts at bay for so many years, until, working deeply on personal issues, I decided (with much help) to create this website and share what is always coursing through my heart. By delving into and re-experiencing my past sorrow and pain, with, as Oprah described, “…the best therapist in the world,” I am able to look within, touch my truth and feel free inside for probably the first time. Your positive comments are balm for my soul and propel me forward - I believe I can make a difference!
The TRUTH shall really set you free (10/27/11): These seven little words are life altering. Truth is the ability to say and/or listen to the little voice in the back of your head – those feelings that nag at you (good or bad), things you are conscious of, afraid of, embarrassed by – you know what I mean, we all have them. Too often, our fears stop us from bringing feelings/thoughts to the surface, dreading reprisal or judgment from others, or whatever your particular issue might be. To speak your inner truth and live authentically is vital for a satisfying and productive life filled with joy and happiness. The truth creates the possibility for change because when we really say what we need to express, the burdens lift and our hearts are filled with love and compassion. We are then able to see the beauty within and without - and our interactions with our loved ones and others are changed and deepened forever.Personalization (10/24/11): When you personalize hurts that are happening in the present, it is usually because of the hurts you experienced in the past that are symbolic of what is occurring now. The trauma from earlier times needs to be addressed and dealt with so you are able to move forward.
Cheating (10/24/11): It is never appropriate to go outside of a marriage/relationship to solve problems within that system, i.e., an affair. You have to “earn" your way out of your liaison, in that you seek professional help, deal with your personal and/or relationship issues, or you will never overcome the unfinished business of your present connection. If, at that point, you feel it is essential to leave, you will have "earned" the right because you did the hard therapeutic work and dared to look within. When you neglect to do the necessary inner searching, most likely, you will simply repeat your misdeeds and begin anew your unproductive behaviors with a new encounter.
Limits for Children (10/23/11): Children need and thrive when limits are placed on their behavior. This is the way they learn to navigate their world and learn how to be socialized as productive members of society. They feel safer when they know their bounds and experience enormous love that comes from being connected to their parental figure who has the ability to stop negative outbursts. Love means saying no when appropriate and being the authentic parent and authority figure so the child can parrot your behaviors. Giving in is the easy way out and does not serve the emotional needs of your child – it makes you feel better at the moment and creates chaos within the child because of a lack of consistency. Consistency is the currency for parents to teach children how to function as human beings and to be able to form a lasting and lifelong trust.
Setting limits is discipline at its finest. It is not done in anger, but conversely is accomplished within a framework of unconditional love and devotion to your children. So many parents ignore behaviors until they rage inside and blow up in anger and say and do things that are totally counterintuitive to what is needed and appropriate. At this point, learning and emotional growth for your most precious child is not possible and their self esteem is crushed once again. Children need consistent and strong discipline, without anger, to effectuate and maintain an effective parenting style.
Bereavement (10/23/11): The grieving process affects everyone so differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You will laugh, cry, shout or be silent – all normal. No one can experience what your loss is because grief is a unique happening and you clearly have to do it your own way and in your own time. Listen to your inner voice and not those who say, “Get over it, it’s time,” “Get on with your life,” “It’s a blessing – they were so sick,” or any other inanity that has been directed at you. You will never forget; however you will move forward and experience a “new normal” kind of feeling, which as you propel yourself will merely become normal for you.